Happiness is not a destination. It is a way of LIFE.

I have just returned from the UK. I had a significant amount of time in London and with it the chance to observe a lifestyle and people as a relative outsider. It was fascinating. I noticed the pace at which the sea of people move in London. I observed the social isolation that air pods and cell phones have created, as people rush about their lives. I saw the enticing pull towards consumerism that advertising and high streets create, which is almost irresistible. And I felt the pull to constantly think about food and drink that the endless array of food shops produced. It reminded me of my experience when I lived in London (many moons ago). I experienced remarkable loneliness and emptiness at times, despite the fun of being young and free in London.

Reclaiming Happiness: What’s Within Your Control

In the wake of COVID-19, many of us have felt a deep emotional aftershock. For some, anxiety, depression, or isolation grew louder. For others, chronic stress, health issues, or strained relationships intensified. The world felt unsteady—and in that chaos, many turned to busyness, consumption, acquisitiveness, and distraction in search of relief.

But what if the key to true, lasting happiness isn’t out there—it's within us?

Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt’s powerful book The Happiness Hypothesis offers a hopeful, science-backed message: a significant chunk of our happiness is under our control. Though written in 2006, its insights feel especially urgent today. In a time when balance is harder to find and even harder to keep, this book points to a way back.

Haidt presents a simple formula:

H = S + C + V

• H is your overall and enduring happiness

• S is your genetic set point (about 50%)

• C is your life circumstances (only 10%)

• V is what you voluntarily choose to think, do, and focus on (a powerful 40%)

  
  

That last piece—V—is where your greatest influence lies. It’s what you eat, how you move, how you connect with others, what you believe, and how you respond to life. It's the mindset you bring to each day. It’s also the piece most overlooked in a culture that sells quick dopamine hits instead of sustainable joy.

Yes, some things really are out of your control. But thankfully not everything. And that’s the best news.

This blog is an invitation to explore the 40% that’s yours to shape. With the right insight and support, it is possible to shift your trajectory, to actually move from “surviving to thriving”. You have more power than you might think—to find true balance, to feel great, and to reclaim a lasting sense of happiness from the inside all the way to the outside.

Science has shown us that a few things actually strongly affect V:

The 40% That’s Yours: Voluntary Actions That Build Lasting Happiness

So, what does it look like to actively cultivate happiness from the inside out? The good news is it doesn’t require a radical life overhaul or pretending to be cheerful when you're crying inside. Instead, it’s about consistent, deliberate conscious choices—small marginal gains that add up over time. You know I like to turn ideas into action plans. And to make this concrete and not just hot air for you, here are some evidence-backed, heart-centred ways to tap into your 40%:

1. Practice Small Acts of Kindness

Helping others is a direct path to helping yourself. You already know this! Even tiny gestures—like checking in on a friend, offering a compliment, or holding the door—can lift your mood and create meaningful connection. Kindness even creates ripples that return to you. You reap what you sow.

2. Count Your Blessings—Every Night

Before you sleep, take a few moments to reflect on what went right. Who helped you? What supported you today? What beauty or grace slipped in quietly? This simple habit rewires your brain to notice the good stuff rather than the lack. It’s not wired for this, so you have to do it on purpose, and this small active focus has been shown to increase happiness levels significantly over time. Practice gratitude in short, it works.

3. Train Your Mind Like a Gentle Elephant Rider

Haidt’s metaphor of the rider and the elephant is brilliant: the rider is your rational mind; the elephant is your emotional, instinctive self. Real happiness arises when the two work together. Practicing mindfulness, meditation, journaling, cognitive-behavioural techniques, and positive psychology help tame the elephant without force—building emotional resilience, mental flexibility, and clarity. It won't happen without effort and a wee bit of focused time. Contact us about joining our next course where we will teach you how.

4. Nurture Strong, Supportive Relationships

Invest your time in people who bring you the return on investment of joy, connection, and safety—and offer the same in return. Relationships are one of the strongest predictors of long-term wellbeing and longevity which everyone is searching to attain. If a relationship is draining you, consider how you might show up differently to shift the dynamic. Often, the transformation lies on your side of the line.

5. Reframe and Embrace Adversity

Happiness doesn’t mean avoiding hardship—it means learning how to move through it with grace. As you well know, every challenge carries the seeds of growth. A great question you might ask is: What might this be teaching me? How can I grow from this? Life isn’t punishing you; it’s inviting you to evolve. And evolving is an inherent urge within us all.

6. Seek Harmony and Balance

Enduring happiness comes not from excess, but from wholeness. A life that honours work, rest, play, connection, and purpose—in beautiful balance (The Sweet Spot!)—leads to deeper fulfilment than one skewed toward just one domain. Don’t confuse productivity with peace. Don’t be a busy fool, running like crazy on a hamster wheel and getting nowhere in particular!

7. Live Your Purpose, However Quietly

Purpose doesn’t have to be grand. It’s about using your strengths and your gifts. It's about doing what truly matters to you and contributing in your own unique way. Whether it’s raising a family, creating a beautiful garden or home, art, mentoring others, or protecting nature—living in alignment with your values brings a deep, sustaining sense of happiness.

8. Protect Your Inputs

Be mindful of what you consume—media, news, social feeds, conversations. You wouldn’t eat junk food all day and expect to feel well; your mind and heart work the same way. Be mindful of what you allow in and notice how it affects your emotional state. You are the boss! Take back your power from the algorithms!

These aren’t just "nice ideas"—they’re tools. You don’t have to do them all at once. Start small. Choose one that speaks to you and gently begin. The path to happiness isn't about pretending everything is fine—it’s about building the capacity to meet life as it is, while creating space for more joy, meaning, and connection.

Don’t be duped into looking for instant gratification and a “yes” to every desire. Don’t be persuaded to think an object you acquire will bring you the happiness you deserve.

Remember another zero on your bank balance won't necessarily add to your happiness. More money does increase the C part of the equation by enhancing your financial security and fulfilling your need for autonomy and competence, but the effect on your emotional wellbeing plateaus around a certain income level. Some studies suggest achieving financial autonomy is the critical threshold, where money is no longer a constant worry.

Some research has shown a log-linear relationship between income and wellbeing, meaning the happiness money creates increases steadily to a point. After that point happiness decreases with more money! Fancy that! The research also shows that the best way to spend your money after you have attended to your basic survival needs and saved for the future, is to invest in your passions; spend it on things that bring you joy and on building your relationships. In my family, we give experiences and time enjoying them instead of gifts.

As we enter the last quarter of 2025, I wish you less busyness, less consumerism, less acquisitiveness and far more enduring happiness. Please try to be deliberate about the voluntary activities and the choices they include, especially as the end of year rush and silly season starts. Maybe being reflective will help you stay aware and conscious as you engage with the next few months.

Much love

Sue