When the World Feels Chaotic: A Small Practice for Difficult Times

Why regulating ourselves may be one of the most powerful contributions we can make.

Over the past week I have caught myself doing something I suspect many of us have been doing.

Watching the news… and then needing to switch it off.

Not because I do not care, but because at times it feels almost too much to take in.

Many of us have been watching world events unfold with concern, confusion and sometimes distress, powerlessness or overwhelm.

I shared a short reflection about this online yesterday, and it seemed to resonate with many people.

So, I wanted to share a slightly deeper reflection with you here.

Decisions that affect millions of lives appear to be made quickly, sometimes seemingly without the long-term wellbeing of humanity fully in view. At times it can almost feel as if leaders are playing a high-stakes video game as missiles are launched and ships are sunk. Of course this is only my personal perspective, but it is hard not to feel unsettled when large-scale actions ripple so quickly and painfully through the lives of ordinary people around the world.

I also notice a strange feeling of guilt at times when I go about my life here in South Africa as if none of it is happening.

When the distress sets in, I find myself returning to something simple that I often say to people sitting in my consulting room.

Focus on what IS within your control.

It sounds almost too simple, but it is often the most stabilising place to begin.

When the world feels chaotic, our nervous systems respond. Our bodies tighten, our breathing becomes shallow, and our minds can quickly move into anger, fear or despair. Everything speeds up.

When we are in that state, it becomes very difficult to access our wisest thinking.

Through my work helping people heal, calm and regulate their nervous systems, I see every day how quickly human beings lose access to clarity when they are overwhelmed or dysregulated. The same is true in our personal relationships, our workplaces and perhaps even in the way societies make decisions.

When we are dysregulated, we react. When we are regulated, we can choose.

So when I notice myself becoming distressed by events I cannot control, I try to return to the same advice I would offer anyone else.

Slow down. Pause and reflect inwardly. Breathe. Allow your nervous system to settle.

Only then ask yourself what the wisest response might be.

There is another psychological pattern that often comes to mind in times like this called the Drama Triangle, described by psychologist Stephen Karpman.

In my view, this simple model explains a surprising amount of human behaviour. When people feel threatened, stressed or overwhelmed, we tend to fall into one of three roles.

The persecutor, who blames or attacks. The victim, who feels powerless or wronged. The rescuer, who rushes in to fix or save.

Most of us move between these roles without even noticing. I certainly catch myself drifting toward them too, especially when the world feels frightening or unfair.

But there is another possibility.

We can pause long enough to see what is happening.

We can step back into what I sometimes think of as the watchtower, where we can observe the pattern rather than be swept up inside it.

From that place of awareness, we have the option to step out of the triangle altogether.

Instead of blame, we can choose curiosity.

Instead of helplessness, we can choose responsibility. We do what we can, and accept what we cannot control.

Instead of reactive rescuing, we can choose compassion. We can walk alongside others without needing to fix everything for them.

I certainly do not get this right all the time. Right now, I am practising it deliberately, day by day.

And I have a quiet hope that if enough people can step out of the drama triangle, we might begin to create a kind of counter-current in the wider world.

Because although none of us individually control the direction of the world, we do influence the quality of energy we bring into it.

And we do shape the small microcosm in which we live.

Sometimes the most powerful contribution we can make in a chaotic world is simply this:

To refuse to add more chaos.

Instead, we can slow down, regulate ourselves, and choose responses grounded in wisdom, steadiness and compassion.

When we are regulated, others often begin to co-regulate with us. Calm spreads more easily than we realise.

So be mindful of what you say. Be gentle with your exposure to the news. And be kind wherever you can, to yourself and to others.

It may seem small.

But small moments of conscious choice are often where meaningful change begins.

A small piece of personal news

These reflections are also deeply connected to something I have been working on for quite some time.

I am very excited (and slightly nervous!) to share that I will soon be publishing my new book.

In it, I explore many of these ideas about how we navigate pressure, uncertainty and complexity in our lives. How we regulate ourselves, access our wiser selves, and find that place where we are neither overwhelmed nor disengaged, but able to respond with clarity and energy.

I will share more about the book in the coming weeks.

For now, I simply wanted to share this reflection with you and invite you to pause, breathe and reconnect with your wisest self, especially when the world feels chaotic.

Because sometimes the most powerful leadership begins quietly within ourselves.

Warmly,

Sue