"Everyone is 12." Sometimes!

A reflection on the parts of ourselves that show up when life gets stressful and that can be activated by the world as it is right now.

Have you ever noticed how intelligent, thoughtful adults can suddenly start behaving like teenagers when they are stressed? I certainly have.

And if I am honest, I sometimes catch myself doing exactly the same thing.

Recently I heard someone say something that made me pause.

“Everyone is twelve sometimes.”

I cannot claim the idea as my own, but the more I have reflected on it, the more truth I see in it.

Because when life becomes stressful, threatening or overwhelming, many of us do not respond from our calmest, wisest adult selves.

Instead, another part of us quietly takes the steering wheel.

Sometimes it is the anxious twelve-year-old who feels misunderstood or defensive.

Sometimes it is the petulant teenager who resists, rebels or refuses to cooperate.

Sometimes it is the thrill-seeking adolescent who wants excitement, stimulation and instant gratification.

And sometimes it is the frightened child who simply wants the discomfort to stop as quickly as possible.

None of this makes us bad people.

It simply makes us human.

We all carry different “parts” within us. Alongside the reactive younger parts, we also have other aspects of ourselves.

The curious child who is filled with wonder.

The adaptable child who learns and grows.

The nurturing inner parent who can comfort and guide.

And sometimes an inner dictator who tries to control everything when things feel uncertain.

These parts are not the problem.

In fact, they all have something valuable to offer.

The difficulty arises when we are unaware of which part of ourselves is currently running the show.

Stress and reactivity are contagious. When the world around us becomes reactive, it is very easy for our own younger parts to join in.

We start seeking thrill ahead of calm.

We chase instant gratification.

We avoid discomfort at all costs.

And before we realise it, our twelve-year-old self has quietly taken control of the steering wheel.

But awareness changes everything.

When we begin to notice these inner parts, we create a little space between stimulus and response.

Instead of being swept away by our reactions, we can pause and ask ourselves a simple question.

Which part of me is showing up right now?

Is it the defensive teenager?

The overwhelmed child?

The controlling inner dictator?

Or the wiser adult who can step back and see the bigger picture?

Often those younger parts are not trying to cause trouble. They are simply asking for something.

Sometimes they need reassurance.

Sometimes they need encouragement.

Sometimes they need validation.

Sometimes they simply need a moment of kindness and soothing.

Noticing what is happening inside us is not weakness.

It is an act of self-care.

It is an act of self-compassion.

And perhaps most importantly, it is an act of self-leadership.

Because when we become aware of the parts of ourselves, we gain the ability to choose which part we allow to guide our next action.

We do not have to push our younger parts away or declare war on them.

Instead, we can acknowledge them, listen to what they need, and gently invite our wiser adult self-back into the conversation.

The goal is not perfection.

It is simply awareness.

Because when we are aware of the different parts within us, we are far less likely to suddenly discover that our twelve-year-old self has been running the show all along. And that small moment of awareness often changes everything.

The takeaway people will remember

We all have younger parts that react under stress. Awareness helps our wiser adult self-take the wheel again.

Regulation Before Reaction

Why awareness, boundaries and self-leadership matter more than ever

When life feels pressured, uncertain or chaotic, many of us instinctively try to act quickly.

We respond.

We react.

We defend.

We fix.

But over the years, through my work helping people understand and regulate their nervous systems, I have come to believe that one of the most powerful practices we can cultivate is something very simple: Regulation before reaction.

Because when we are dysregulated, we do not make our best decisions.

Our bodies tighten, our breathing becomes shallow, our thinking narrows, and we often move into familiar patterns of defence, blame or urgency.

When we are in that state, it becomes very difficult to access our wisest self.

And this is where another observation becomes helpful.