October is Mental Health Awareness Month and this is a subject that is well discussed right now and with very good reason. I attended a celebration of life of one of my long standing patients’ husbands yesterday. Listening to all that was said about this extraordinary man, who had died at almost 90, made me think about how it's modern living that is creating many of the challenges people are grappling with right now. This man who was being so beautifully celebrated, had played sport and worked right until he was 88. Everyone, including his nieces and nephews, grandchildren and children all spoke about how he had made time for them and to be involved in their lives. His wife spoke of holidays with friends and laughter, fun and lifelong friendships. I listened and heard about:
A life of balance.
A life lived according to a strong and immovable set of values.
A life where the focus is human connection, not online connection.
A mind stimulated and never left unfed or idle
A person who had as much inward connection as outward connection.
It was a privilege to be part of this special celebration and feel the love that abounded.
While striving to achieve remarkable life qualities such as these, everyone will, at some point, face challenges such as anxiety, irritability, anger, or mood swings. Here are some healthy tips which can help you take good care of your emotional health, and nurture meaningful social connections.
'Negative' or as I prefer to call them, “uncomfortable” emotions, are quite hard to tame. They can grow and fester in the darkness of your fears and insecurities, often fueled by feelings of:
Not being 'good enough', Not being loved, or Not belonging.
These feelings may be exacerbated when some of your other core-needs are not being met, such as:
Physiological Needs
Financial needs
The need for security or safety
The need for self-esteem, respect, recognition, acknowledgement and status
The need for personal growth
The need to make a contribution
The need for freedom, autonomy and independence
The need for fairness and justice
The need for certainty
Uncomfortable emotions can also take over if you hold on to (unhealthy) beliefs that will never be satisfied; for example:
“I must make more money to be financially safe"
“I must prove that I am better than people think I am..."
“I must become the best at..."
“Others owe me respect. "
While coaching can best help you work out how to meet your needs and evolve your belief system, a number of practices can help you enhance your emotional health. Here are some tips for you to practice in your life.
Walk! Even a few meters will help. Just walk. If you can, walk fast and if you can't, walk slowly. If you want to run, do that. If you can, walk far and if you can't, walk a little. But walk!
When you have emotions, own the feeling and know it belongs to you and you are responsible for it. Say "I feel angry", not "you make me angry". When in conflict with another person, remember to address his/her behavior(s) and not criticize the person.
Choose a response don’t knee jerk and react. Hold yourself back from reacting immediately when you are upset. If your negative emotions keep you awake, get up and write them down, then let them go over and over again, until you have chosen your response.
Focus on the positive everyday. “There is no education like adversity" - Benjamin Disareli. So try to be thankful for the next challenge in your life or career and remember, you can deal with anything!
Seek to understand ahead of being understood. In the face of conflict, listen. Listen to understand about the other person’s concerns, fears, beliefs, assumptions or interests. Let go of your, listen until you have taken a walk around the other person’s island and figured out exactly what is happening there. Only then, invite them over to your island and let them see what is your reality over there, and only then start speaking.
This month, we will be sharing many tips and suggestions like these on our socials - these are called: Sweet Spot Nuggets and we are also offering many specials, so don’t suffer on your own... there is help at hand!
Much Love,
Sue
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