The Power of Love: Embracing Self-Love and Loss
The subject of love is right at the front of my mind. Firstly, it's Valentine’s Day, which, for me, is all about opening your heart to the experience of love—self-love first and love for all the people in your world, including your significant other, if you have one. Secondly, both my parents are in their final chapters and are struggling as they lose more and more of their independence and, with it, their freedom. Thirdly, my father-in-law passed away last week after a grueling six-week battle to recover from surgery performed two days before his 90th birthday. And as if that isn’t enough to keep love at the front of my mind and in top spot in my heart, my daughter left for overseas last week to spread her wings and take on the world, having graduated at the end of last year.
Love and Loss: Two Sides of the Same Coin
Love includes loss. They are so intertwined that it is true to say that the “price of love is loss.” We are born equipped to love, and therefore we are also born equipped to endure loss. Love feels wonderful; it makes the heart expand, fills it fully, and warms it perfectly. The felt sense of love in the body is truly beautiful. It feels complete, secure, and safe, leaving the chest and stomach open, light, and satiated (well, that’s how it feels in my body—yours may be different. Tune in and discover. If you need help, call Debbie to book; nothing is more important, in my opinion).
Loss, on the other hand, is painful. It leaves the heart aching and sore, often making the throat tight and the body tired. It’s unpleasant. You may feel inclined to shut down your heart in protection against this pain. But what I wanted to share today is that when you allow the pain of loss, you allow more of the love to flow. The pain of loss doesn’t delete the pleasure of love. The two can co-exist. I hope you can relate to these heartfelt experiences I’ve been having, even if yours are different, and as you resonate, you remember how they felt in your body.
Navigating Change and Supporting Loved Ones
I am watching my parents mourn the loss of the lives they once enjoyed, the use of their bodies, and the resource of their health. I see them grieve for all they still wanted to do and now find they can’t do. As I lean in to support them more and more, I am changing the relationship we share day by day. It hurts a lot, and yet the process has enabled an acceptance and a patience that has surprised me.
It’s difficult, and I often wish someone had written a manual for how to become a great “adult child.” I feel inadequate a lot and guilty for my humanness when it shows up in frustration and impatience (yes, they co-exist—patience and impatience), and even selfishness. I feel sad and sometimes angry at the doctors, at the harshness of the relentless circle of life. All these emotions are aspects of the love I feel, and I have discovered I can't have the good without the bad. It's all part of the kaleidoscope that is the felt sense of love—not Hollywood or Bollywood fantasy love, but real, messy, human love.
Letting Go: A Mother's Love
Letting my daughter loose to fly free was also excruciating and delicious all at once. My heart swelled with pride for her and who she has become. My gut knotted as I thought of all that could go wrong and all the harm that could come to her. My throat burned with the tears that wouldn’t flow as I watched her walk away to start her life.
She doesn’t need me like she used to. She doesn’t need my permission, my approval, or my reassurance. That role is gone forever. Now she needs my trust, my faith, and my support. All the pain that goes with this metamorphosis is part of the love that goes with being a mom. I know you have felt this too, in some form, so you know what I am describing.
Embracing the Full Spectrum of Love
My hope in writing this blog is to bring your attention to the incredible spectrum of sweet and difficult emotions that fill your heart today and in this month of love. Presence with these experiences is what life includes. Allowance of all this intensity is what love enables and demands.
I wish you the sweet and heart-opening love that makes you feel alive and vital today. Tune in to all of it. You deserve it!
Always,
Sue
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